Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You ruined the universe
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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