He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
