i jhust puked up my retainher.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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