cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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