don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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