Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
