I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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