Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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