while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
