Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
