Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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