If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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