If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
