You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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