We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
