Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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