she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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