Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
