Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
