I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
