Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
