just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize