Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize