I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
