He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize