Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
