i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
