Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
