the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
