Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
