Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's shark week go big or go home
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
