Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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