Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
