There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
