So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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