we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
