i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
