i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You pole danced in your parka.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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