I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ladies don't puke and tell
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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