I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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