You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
