i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
