remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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