my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
