shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
