I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
