I understand Curling. That high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
