Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize
