I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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