Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
