also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize