WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
