Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
