Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
