tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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