Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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