Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
