Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
