Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
sex in a hospital.. check
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
