if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize