do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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