Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize