i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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