No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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