There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
