You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They took my balls.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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