There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize