well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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