its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize