insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
