She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
