I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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