There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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