Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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