i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
