hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
