Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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