Screwed.edu
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
