I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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