Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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