Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
