her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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