I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
