yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
