I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
