I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
operation have a gay friend backfired
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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