the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
