You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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