Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
