currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
