If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize