ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
