So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
