Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
