bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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