When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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