we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
