Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
