Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
