Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
